Tonight’s show opens with a video package recapping the events of Victory Road, and then we go to Orlando, where we are (not) live in the Impact Zone! First things first, the new Top 10 Contender’s list is announced, and if you want the complete list you can go to TNA’s website, but the top three contenders, in descending order, are Abyss, Jeff Hardy, and Ken Anderson. Speaking of the new #1 contender, he opens the show by coming out to the ring with the nail bat and…a giant slab of beef. He tells RVD that “they” have a plan for him, and it involves him and his girl (the nail bat), and it’s beyond extreme and beyond anything he’s done in this business, EVER. A little later, he’s going to share the plan with RVD, but first, he’s awaiting some final instructions from “them”, but for now, he wants to introduce us to his girl “Janice”, who he finds tall and beautiful, sophisticated, sexy, and sharp. But there’s also a dark side to Janice that likes pain and suffering and…well, we don’t get the rest, because Abyss repeatedly hits the beef with Janice until she breaks, and then he chews a big bite of the beef from the slab, and I’m not making that up. Oh, and did he mention that she’s also one hell of a cook? But don’t worry, RVD, because before it’s all over and done with, he’s going to find out what a bitch his girl is. He chews more meat off the slab as we cut to a shot of some fat broad in the audience looking either grossed out or really hungry.

Wait a minute, there’s something going on backstage…and it’s Sarita and Taylor Wilde brawling in the back. Sarita tells Taylor that she’s finally rid of the dead weight as she repeatedly rams her into the wall, but Taylor fights back and now Sarita goes to a wall, then a big crate, but then Sarita comes back and says that everyone has always known that she’s better than Taylor. Taylor swings a pipe at Sarita and misses, and Sarita knocks her down and puts her in a nasty armbar

Taylor and Sarita have made their way out from the back and into the crowd. Taylor launches Sarita out to ringside, grabs a chair, and pastes Sarita with it. You know, Sarita’s right, she’s light years better than Taylor. Sarita grabs a water bottle and tosses the contents at Taylor, which somehow blinds her long enough for Sarita to crawl under the ring, sneak around behind Taylor, and suckerpunch her from behind. Okay, I guess the match has officially started since a ref’s there, so..

Sarita vs Taylor Wilde

Winner: Sarita

Backstage, Rob Van Dam says Abyss has a hell of a weapon, but RVD isn’t intimidated easily, so Abyss had better try his threats somewhere else. He’ll also see if Abyss is ready to use that thing tonight.

Backstage, Miss Tessmacher is shouting at someone on her cell phone, saying that when she’s in charge, they’ll be the first to go. Kevin Nash comes strolling in because he has an appointment with Eric Bischoff, but he’s conveniently absent. Hmmmmm. Miss Tessmacher asks if there’s something she can help him with, Nash says no and starts to walk away, but then comes back and says there is something she can do for him after all, and tells her that he’ll see her at 10pm tonight. She doesn’t know him very well just now, but he promises to be her last meeting of the night.

X Division Champion Douglas Williams vs Brian Kendrick

Winner: Brian Kendrick

Backstage, the Mystery Interviewer asks Nash about Jeff Jarrett, and he says he’s one of the smartest guys around, and sometime around 10 tonight we’ll get all the answers we need.

Global Champion Rob Terry vs Desmond Wolfe vs Samoa Joe

Winner: Samoa Joe

Ric Flair is backstage, and if you’re watching TNA Impact tonight, he’s going to make an announcement later on that will have huge implications that will change TNA forever, and he’ll do that because he’s Ric Flair and he can. Oh good, TNA will change forever! That’s only the five zillionth damn time I’ve heard that THIS YEAR.

World Tag Team Champions Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money

Winners: Beer Money

Backstage, Abyss seems to have repaired Janice and is using her to smash a watermelon, which he then eats off of Janice. What a weird angle, but I bet Gallagher would be proud.

Matt Morgan vs D’Angelo Dinero

Winner: D’Angelo Dinero

Backstage, Lacey is trying to calm down Velvet Sky, but Velvet Sky is pissed at Madison Rayne for acting like they don’t even exist and then, on top of that, bringing in somebody from outside the group. Lacey thinks they should hear Madison’s side of the story, and Velvet says she’ll listen to it and then plant her foot up Madison’s ass.

We go back to the ring where Madison Rayne is in the ring, and formally protesting the outcome of the Knockouts Title match at Victory Road. The rules said that if Velvet or Lacey interfered, then she could lose the title on a DQ, but since neither of them were involved, she is demanding that within seven days, either the decision is reversed and she has the title returned to her, or she will sue TNA for every penny it’s worth. I can just hear the message boards lighting up with lame jokes right as I type this. Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich come out, and Velvet is pissed. Velvet asks Madison what makes her think she can bring in someone new, not only without their approval, but without even asking them first. Madison tells Velvet to relax and that she’s obviously been taking her dumb blond pills again. Madison did what she had to do and took matters into her own hands. Velvet says it’s not just about Madison making a decision without either of them, it’s about Madison saying that she didn’t need them anymore, and asks Madison to explain herself. Madison says fine, she doesn’t need them. Velvet says that how about she kicks Madison’s ass all over the ring right now. Lacey gets between them to break them up, and now Angelina Love comes out and asks Velvet if she honestly thinks Angelina believes anything she’s saying, because she recognized her big fake boobs in the motorcycle outfit. Velvet says if she thinks that was Velvet on the motorcycle, she was mistaken, because she obviously didn’t see the dumpy ass on that person, because clearly (indicating her ass), it wasn’t her. Velvet says that if she doesn’t believe that, then believe this: that bitch (indicating Madison) is all hers, and tells her to have at it. Velvet walks out, and Madison stands in the ring yelling at Angelina to come down and give Madison her belt back. Angelina enters the ring and asks if she wants her belt back, then tells her to come get it. Madison nails Angelina with a forearm, but Angelina drops the belt and goes after Madison. Suddenly the Bike Girl comes out on the bike and goes after Angelina ramming her to the corner and then choking her out with her boot. Madison brings a chair into the ring and picks Angelina up and DDTs her on the chair as Lacey stands helplessly on the rampway looking heartbroken over this whole unfortunate series of events. Madison and Bike Girl get on the bike and ride away.

Backstage, Jeff Hardy says that he really enjoyed watching Jay Lethal beat Ric Flair, but now he’s up against Jeff Hardy and we’ll see if Lethal can beat the Charismatic Enigma.

Jay Lethal vs Jeff Hardy

Winner: Jeff Hardy

Ric Flair is in the ring and says that Jay Lethal is first in his sights, but right now he wants to introduce the first two members of Fortune: AJ Styles and Frankie Kazarian. Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he knows Americans don’t like giving anyone else credit, but if anyone deserves to be in Fortune, it’s him. Flair blows him off, but Wolfe grabs him and repeats that he should be in Fortune. Flair tells Wolfe to keep his hands off of him, but before he can continue, Abyss’ music hits and out comes Abyss with Janice. Fortune heads for the hills, so Abyss calls out Rob Van Dam instead. Abyss tels RVD that it’s time for him to share the plans that “they” have for him: he’s said it for the past few weeks, and he’ll say it again, “they” are coming to TNA, and when “they” get here, “they” are taking TNA over, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Abyss says that “they” have asked him to continue to pave the way for them, and in that process, “they” instructed him to take the TNA World Title off of RVD, and “they” laid out a blueprint, so he has a question for RVD. They’re going to take Janice and hang her above the ring, and then the two of them are going to have the most extreme match in the history of professional wrestling. They’re going to use whatever weapons RVD wants, but Janice told Abyss that she wants a piece of RVD’s ass. So, the only thing left is the when and the where, but how about the two of them get…EXTREME? RVD grabs the mic and says he knows what the title means to himself and everyone else, and he doesn’t want Abyss to take this personally, but the title is his, and then he attacks Abyss and lays him out with several spinkicks. RVD goes for a monkey flip but Abyss shoves RVD off and boots him in the face, then chokeslams him. Suddenly, Mick Foley comes out from the back and Abyss looks quite surprised to see him. Even more suddenly, the ECW guys come out of the crowd and attack Abyss. Security comes out to try and stop them, but Stevie and Rhino easily lay them out. Now some of the TNA wrestlers come out to try and stop them, but no dice. The two fat security guys, Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, Doug Williams, Terry Taylor, D-Lo Brown, they all come out to try and stop it to no avail. Pat Kenney and Al Snow also come out, ostensibly to try and stop the attack, but then they join up with the ECW guys. Now a whole bunch more TNA guys come running out and it turns into this giant schmozz that I can barely keep track of. Brother Devon comes out and joins the ECW side. Jeff Jarrett comes running out and starts yelling at Tommy Dreamer to get the ECW guys under control as Dixie Carter stands at ringside looking concerned. Now finally the cops come out to break it up, and Dixie Carter grabs a mic and tells everyone to stop it. She says that she invited the ECW guys and everyone stops and looks shocked as we fade to black.

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